Today I will expose the alternative investment strategies big playas use to roll RM30 million (USD8.1m). Thought I don’t mean to offend anyone with this essay, if I get in trouble for this blog post, please bail me out with all the money you might make from reading this. Deal? Deal.
Imagine this: RM30 million is yours. All yours.
How will you invest it? Think big playa. Big playas usually think for a moment before they invest RM30 million. So I’ll give you a moment to think.
Yes. Invest RM30 million in a smart way. What will you do…
What was that?
Buy 2 giant pandas?
Pandas you say. Hmm. 2 giant pandas. You’re thinking ‘out of the box’. I like that. Sounds like a plan. Let’s buy 2 giant pandas then.
JEEZ LOUSIE I GIVE YOU RM30 MILLION AND YOU BUY 2 GIANT PANDAS guess what sis that’s what Zoo Negara plans to do with RM30 million See the article on theStar.
Wait wow wow wait wait… let’s not jump to conclusions here! There’s more to the story.
First, let’s get our facts right.
In Zoo Negara’s defence, they’re not going to spend RM30 million just 2 giant pandas. They know exactly what they’re doing.
From the article in the Star:
… Malaysia was eyeing the giant pandas, ringtail lemurs, white tigers, and golden monkeys from Chinese zoos. “On our end, we might be sending them our milky storks and painted storks, and other animals which we have in surplus.
Golden monkeys! This how big time playas do deal-making. It’s not just “Oh I’ll take 2 of those what are they giant pandas yeah OK two of them for 30 quid” It’s more than that. Big deals involve golden monkeys. As in like, gold. And milky storks, just like in the stock market.
Think big playa investments stops there? The deal gets sweeter.
“If we do get the giant pandas, one male and one female, they will come with their own curator, veterinarian and Chinese bamboo.”
Don’t settle for the just the friggin Pandas, big playas get the works, like a McPanda Happy Meal, supersized to RM30 million.
Does it make sense now?
Maybe not. But this is where the lesson begins.
Introducing: Productive Absurdity
Some things don’t make sense at first, but they can be very useful to us if swung the right way.
I call this ‘Productive Absurdity’.
To grasp the bull of ‘Productive Absurdity’ by its horns, or rather, the panda by its ears, do the following
- ACCEPT that some things don’t make sense to you, and might not make sense to anyone! Does absurd stuff really frustrate you? I understand. But then again, maybe I don’t understand. It’s absurd! None of us will never understand it. Our brains aren’t equipped with that kind of superpowers. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be in PEACE with things which don’t make sense at all, right?
- FIND a way to make it useful. Either by laughing at it, learning from it, tweaking the idea, letting it spike your creativity, use it to inspire others to take action, or use it make them laugh, cry etc. Think about it. The very same energy you use fighting with the absurd (knowing you will lose)… converted energy making the absurd very useful. Suddenly, you’re a Productive Absurdity ninja!
You nailed it. Create meaning.
This is exactly what we’re going to do with the 2 giant pandas, since the big playas and golden monkeys involved in the deal seem unstoppable.
You too can apply Productive Absurdity to this example, as we return to alternative panda investment strategies used by big playas:
The big picture of Return on investment
OK, let’s say, on some alien planet somewhere, we have a zoo which aims to spend RM30 million of taxpayer money on 2 giant pandas. That may be absurd right? And perhaps, not so productive if left at that. But sprinkle a bit of Productive Absurdity and you will get…
Alternative Investment Strategy #1:
RM30mil for a giant robotic panda instead! If it’s going to be absurd anyway, might as well make it useful! Build a giant robotic panda! ROI? A giant robotic panda will attract more tourists than two normal everyday bamboo eating slow moving real pandas. Same price. More tourists.
And consider the positive externalities: It may even attract Ultraman to fight it. Now you will have a fight Don King might promote to get EVEN MORE TOURISTS just like how the Thrilla in Manila worked for the Philippines, we will have the Paannnnda in Malaysia. Boom. There’s another genius idea.
ABSURD AND AWESOME ARTWORK: Love at first Fight, by Malaysian Artist, Munkao
Alternative Investment Strategy #2:
Extend the same logic to the Malaysian Economic Stimulus Package. Cancel entrepreneurship grants, and spend the cash not 2, but 200 pandas instead! Think big! That will attract tourists more than 2 pandas can. Do the math. 100 times more tourists, minimum. We can even put the 200 pandas on the F1 tracks and have this massive panda race. And shoot a Malaysian film based on these F1 pandas, called “The Fast and Furriest”. Kung Fu Panda grossed $631,910,531 so let’s say we gross the same, we would have made back our money, AND we get to keep 200 pandas for MORE box office hits. Eg. We get the 200 pandas to hit the gym, then shoot the film “200”.
See how far Productive Absurdity can take you?
Smart people don’t restrict their ideas to pandas. See how it can be applied to tigers in Penang: You won’t believe it. See article on theStar
In summary, Productive Absurdity makes life a ride in an amusement park. Just accept things in general may not make sense, and find a productive use for it anyway 🙂
Trust me, I do this for a living. I rally a generation of bored youths on YouthSays.com and carefully take time to unlock their potential to save the universe from doom.
Absurd? You bet.
- What do Malaysian Youths at YouthSays have to say about Panda Investment strategy?
- Wikipedia’s entry for "Absurd Humor"
- All great deeds and all great thoughts have a ridiculous beginning. ~ Albert Camus