Something I’ve been meaning to say

Recently, an Australian friend emailed me, sharing difficulties in job hunting.

I said, looks like ur headed for welfare dude.
Screw finding a job… just bum around till May, pawn your degree, use that money to bum off a while longer till ur parents disown you.
You know what to do from there on, because you would have gotten use to being a hobo, and quite content with doing nothing but hunt for weekold leftovers.

I also said,

I am in the same boat.
Except I don’t WANT to find a job. I told my parents to excuse me from nagging while I pursue a not-for-profit-YET venture:


How did this happen?

I was working on a few things some weeks ago:

    1. Some twisted market research for my uni

    2. Business plan writing/ investor wooing for someone else’s venture

    3. Rushing my programmer to build a prototype for one of my other hair brained ideas

    4. theCICAK

    5. Reading ‘thicker’ books (nothing off the screen for once)

    6. Eradicating romance from my life

…when I realised how difficult it was for me to attribute meaning to ANYTHING I was doing.

I decided to lie around and do nothing but play guitar, write, draw…
That’s when the little pieces came together.

Firstly, I realised I devote extra energy towards a task if I can decide:

    1. The process of doing so is intrinsically satisfying

    2. The outcomes are achievable, and affect my life/ those around me in a positive way

    3. The ability/ resources to carry out the task is within my reach, but still pose a fancy challenge

While the stuff I was doing seemed to have higher monetary ROI, I wasn’t feeling it in my bones. I could place more importance on money, but I am still testing out my ‘as long as I create value in the things I do, monetising part of the value exchange won’t be a problem’ thinking. Besides, I hardly spend money on anything these days.

My second realisation could not be more obvious –
I felt alone in doing the things I did.

While I was always selective about attention to my work, disconnecting myself from popular culture isn’t a wise move for a sustainable way of life. And I am not talking my unfamiliarity with clubbing, smoking, drinking, drugs, Harry Potter, Star Wars, or LOTR.

Evident by my lack of ‘people skills’, I knew I wasn’t putting enough effort to connect with people. It makes it harder for empathy, and that is disaster for a marketer (or anyone not keen on being a recluse).

Now, I then identified the things I get most excited about

    1. Testing out stuff I think I know is true. I mean, all that money spent on my ‘education’ for so-called-knowledge… they only become tools when and where I can apply them. I enjoy discovering when and how this may happen.

    2. I love solving problems no one can solve (or bothers to! haha). Like complex, organic, problems, not sudoku. This ,I suspect ,is an ego thing.

    3. ‘Beauty’ – in the form of music, pop art/ clean design, and forms of human ‘rawness’, or ‘honesty’. (i am not talking about harcore porn mind you)

When put together, Project Bazooka makes perfect sense for me, and distracts me enough to be generally happy =)

A successful case of self-therapy or self-denial? I can spend a few days lying around playing guitar, writing, drawing on that, but I have some Bazooka-ing to do.

Special thanks to my parents (for the 6 month bracket before throwing me out of the house), Yuri for investing in Project Bazooka, and all the supporters of Project Bazooka.

One comment on “Something I’ve been meaning to say

  1. khailee December 13, 2005 9:49 pm

    im jus glad theres ppl like u for me to connect with =)

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